Hai! (Oh, and Happy St. Valentine’s Day!!) So, I’m trying something new here. I signed up for Influenster because free stuff is cool and I thought I’d give it a go. Since I would like to have “SHE HAD OPINIONS” engraved on my tombstone, it was easy to get excited about writing reviews for a bajillion products. (Especially if I get to try things for free!) So when I was selected for my first Voxbox full of goodies, I was extremely stoked. Here’s my hot take on all the products they included in my Fierce box, which I received complimentary in exchange for my reviews. All opinions, however, are my own. (This should be painfully obvious because #sass.)
OKAY! Now that that’s out of the way, here’s what I got in my Fierce box…
- Shea Moisture Argan Oil & Almond Milk Shampoo & Blow Out Crème
- Vaseline Jelly
- SinfulColors nail polish in Mermaid Tail
- Carefree Act-Fresh Regular liners
- Madam C.J. Walker Softening & Silkening Brassica Seed Oil
Pretty damn thrilling, no? I will admit I was most surprised/off-put by the pads. But I am nothing if not resourceful, so keep reading.
Shea Moisture Stuff: Sticky
OMG you guys I am soooo bad at blow-drying my hair. I am 100% in the camp of girls who never learned this skill and never will. It is simply just not an option. My hair hates it, I hate it, it’s awkward, and never turns out even half-way decent. So when I saw this sample I was pretty sure it would not go well but I was willing to try it out anyway.
I used the shampoo they provided and went with my argan oil conditioner (why no conditioner sample? Was that the missing link??) because it seemed ~*~thematically~*~ appropriate. Then I slathered my hair up with the crème (why you gotta be like that with the accent?) and sectioned it for the blowdry disaster to come. Of course, I couldn’t find my clips OR my round brush so it was pretty much extra doomed from the start. But I brushed my hair out anyway and pretty much threw out my back trying to angle the blow dryer right.
I was only about halfway through before I tried touching my hair and realized that it felt like I had slathered marshmallow fluff through it. Uhhhh, not great. And it was still frizzy af, all jack and a mess.
So honestly, I can’t tell you whether this stuff is good or not because a) I am terrible at blow-outs, and b) it made my hair feel disgusting so I washed it out immediately. I guess it can’t save someone as bad as me, but maybe it is great for someone who knows how to actually do their hair? Also maybe my hair is just not ideal for these things. (My hair being: bleach-damaged, frizzy, curly, and fine. You know, the winning combo.)
TL;DR: This did not give me a fierce look. 🙁
Love that this was included, because everybody needs to have some Vaseline on hand and it’s a super cute little container. But since I have some still-healing burns, I decided to try this puppy out as a moisturizer for the new delicate skin. Surprise! It’s great. I mean this isn’t rocket science. It’s freaking petroleum jelly. And it worked like petroleum jelly should work for moisturizing my skin.
HOWEVER, this petroleum jelly is really, really bad on toast.
I tried it straight, with butter, and with some cashew butter in an attempt to see how it might fare in a PB&J. I thought this was a pretty FIERCE way to try it out but I was really disappointed with its performance. Maybe it’s better if you’re eating real peanuts? All I know is that I will be sticking with my grape jelly from now on, thankyouverymuch.
Nail Polish: Serviceable
I own a few other colors from this brand so I was not too worried about how this nail polish experiment would go. However, the color they sent me? I would like to call it “Merman” in honor of my boy Derek.
BUT it is actually called Mermaid Tail. Sure, okay, fine. I put it on my toes because my toes needed it and also this color is just wayyyy too reminiscent of swamp monster claws to have on my hands. I am not very professional but I am professional enough that I can’t have Creature from the Black Lagoon nails. Sorry not sorry.
As far as nail polish goes, it was good? It covered my nails and dried pretty quickly. I used two coats because that seemed normal. Then I felt wasteful because I will never, ever use this color again so I made a drawing and tried it out as paint.
The brush is really awkward when you are using it to paint with, but the coverage is decent and it does have a nice metallic iridescence to it. So as a nail polish, this gets four stars and as paint, it gets three stars.
I’m super impatient and surprisingly shy for a blogger, so these are getting reviewed as a cleaning product! I see a lot of blue liquid being poured on liners/pads on the TV, so I tried to find something blue at home to test with. Sadly, I couldn’t find anything blue except dish soap, which seemed like a tall order as far as absorption.
It felt like a pretty fierce move to pour something purple on instead, so that’s what I did courtesy of a little food dye and simple syrup. First I spilled a tablespoon of purple on the counter and used these to absorb it. Big results. Definitely as good as a paper towel in terms of absorbing AND smearing it around.
Then I just straight up poured a tablespoon of purple onto it because that seemed closest to what they do in ads. There was a lot of overspill during this use case. (Not pictured, because it was a fcking sticky mess.) I do not recommend pouring things directly onto these. But if you need to mop up some colored liquid, they seem alright I guess.
Hair Oil: Defining
So, to review, my hair mostly sucks. But argan oil and other oil-type leave-ins typically result in softer, more romantic waves. And if I need to straighten it, at least they aren’t crispy. Given this, I had high expectations for this mysterious “brassica seed” oil.
I followed the instructions and put it on “dry strands” even though that seems crazy to me because my day-old hair is actually pretty great at being oily. But whatever, let’s see it “refresh” these locks and “add shine” “between washes.” Sure. It smells like “spun sugar” aka 100% like vanilla frosting and that’s never bad. It absolutely made the hair around my face look greasy and terrible, but tbh it helped re-define some curls at the ends of my hair and spruced them up a bit. So in total, don’t use on your crown section (LOOK AT ME WITH MY FANCY FASHION WORDS) but maybe give this a shot for your frizzy strand ends?
Notable: I will give this bonus points for coming with a baller eye dropper for applying it in teeny doses. Very cool. Makes me feel like I work in an apothecary.
Also notable: the product name “Madam C.J. Walker” makes me desperately want to know her. I really want to think that she owns/runs said apothecary-slash-brothel but in a steampunk dystopian future. But “brassica” oil reminds me of how your fifth-grade teacher would talk about “brassieres” during that one week of sex ed and it made you want to die of embarrassment because OMG ITS JUST A TRAINING BRA STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.
Are we feeling fierce yet?
So there you have it. I enjoyed trying everything out, even if I didn’t really like or need half the products. It was fun writing this, too. In the sense that everything is about me, this little experiment was awesome. Hope you enjoyed reading about it or whatever. Wanna see what it’s like to be a reviewer yourself? Leave me a comment and “review” my “review” and get those opinions out into the intarweb. I dare you!